I was worried because between the trip and getting re-acclimated here at home, it had been three weeks which was the longest I'd gone since starting at the gym and I still have a fear that this new me isn't set in stone and the old me is just waiting for her chance to hijack my new wonderful life.
In Florida, I still tried to walk a mile every day, there just weren't any workout facilities to use that didn't cost extra, so it was the weight machines I was really concerned about, but since being back, I'd been relatively sedentary again, just running around doing errands and such, no real exercise. So first day back was a little scary, but I was determined to get my butt back on track!
My first day back went better than I ever expected! I cut four minutes of my mile mark on the elliptical, I managed to do all the weight machines at the same pace and weights I'd been at before and even added an extra ten minutes on the bike at the end.
Last night was another gym victory for me. I'd been away for the weekend and though
I worked out Saturday morning before leaving, I hadn't on Sunday, and I have a commitment about not letting two days go by without working out some way. My usual ride wasn't able to take me though, so I set out for the mile path I'd charted in my neighborhood. The hills still killed me, but I got up them a hell of a lot faster and that felt remarkable! Also, I walked with my 21 year old son, and had to keep slowing down so he could keep up with me.
hee hee
So anyway, then last night Dale reminded me he had a class from 6-8 and I realized he was going to have to drive right passed the rec center, so I jumped at it, I asked him to drop me off and pick me up. He agreed and I immediately got nervous.
I have some social anxiety at times that kicks in and going to the gym, alone, at their busiest time, and being stuck there for about twice as long as I knew my workout would take set it off.
Now it would have been SO easy to back out, I was going to be able to get to the gym the next day most likely and with Dale gone, I'd get some alone time. I could stay in my little comfort zone of my room, with my laptop and my TV and I'd feel safe. :)
But I didn't.
I made myself go.
He dropped me off right before six and I was there until just after eight, about two and a half hours and maybe it was because I knew I had nowhere to go, I had the best workout I've ever had.
I paced myself differently. The place was packed so I took whatever machines I could get on. I started with a half hour on the bike, then I went for the machines.
I got through most of my regular workout but three machines I couldn't get at because they were in use so I stepped outside the workout room and got some water. I was trying to decide what to do next, I could have just called it quits, I'd brought a book, but I honestly didn't want to. I was enjoying my workout, even though I was all alone and the place was packed. So I jumped on an elliptical machine thinking maybe I'd do ten minutes, just enough to keep my heart rate elevated while I waited for those last three machines.
As it turned out, I did a full 20 minutes and I did overall slightly less on distance at the end of the twenty minutes, but I had put the difficulty level up by one on the program and I was doing sprints the whole time. Four minutes I'd push myself to my limits, I went at the pace closer to a jog than a walk, then I'd slow down, then go back to the faster pace. I felt SO good when I'd finished... sweating like a roasting pig and whipped, but GOOD!
After that I again thought, you did enough, just go read until Dale comes back, but one of the three machines were open, so I went for it!
In the end, I never got on the ab machine or the thigh machine, and at first, I was disappointed. I was giving myself a hard time for "wimping out" then I realized all that I had accomplished that night, not just in my workout, but in going in the first place. In not running when I saw how packed the place was. Most of my life I've been too afraid to do what I did last night as silly as that may sound, so yeah, I missed two machines... but I'm damn proud of myself!
I am changing.
I am not the same woman I used to be.
I'm stronger, more independent, more determined, more faithful, more at peace, and I'm busting through walls that have always kept me out in the past.
I believe without doubt we have the power to change our lives at any point in the game. It is never too late to achieve dreams, to set goals, to reach further than you ever dared in the past.
Tony Robbins says, There is a powerful driving force inside every human being that once unleashed, can make any vision, dream or desire a reality.
I believe this with everything I am. I'm experiencing this. When I started to change my life this time last year I had no idea how far I'd get, all I knew was I couldn't stay where I was one more day. My life had become completely unacceptable to the person I knew I should be. I know there are more people out there like me, living a life that's a lie to the person you were created to be. I am always praying for you. I know we often have to be pushed to great depths before we wake up and say no, I'm not doing this one more day. I wish I could have seen it sooner. I wish it hadn't had to go to the lengths it did, but even so, I'm grateful beyond words for all of the trauma that pushed me to waking.
Take a step today, don't wait for the storm that will tear apart your very existence. Dig deep, find the truth that is your life, your heart, your dreams and reach for them! You can absolutely change your life. You need never settle for one ounce less than everything you were created for. Just take one step, you'll be amazed at how changing one thing, can literally change everything.
I am not the same as I was a year ago. I'm better.
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