Monday Master Class - Taking Stock

I am the first person to admit my crazy. I over thinkeverything. I jump before I look and end up in over my head a lot. I'm a bit like a spastic puppy at times, but one of the things I like about myself is the ability to be introspective, which is not the same as over thinking. I define the two differently in that over thinking is the insanity inducing activity of chasing one's tail, while being introspective is looking deeper inside yourself for your own truths. I find myself being introspective today.

I had put a moratorium on men and dating last week, then realized my world lost much of its color when I did. So I opened myself back up with new determination to handle the dating world mentality and come away stronger for it. I was clobbered with an influx of men from age 20 to 60 all asking me out over the last few days. I wasn't prepared for that and so welcome back crazy.
Today, after the tumult of the weekend, I'm taking stock, being introspective because I see few choices here and I want to make the best one possible for me. Giving up men all together doesn't work for me, being in a relationship, at the moment anyway, doesn't work for me, that only leaves dating so I dang well better learn how to handle it.

At the end of the weekend it wasn't bad. I had turned away men I knew were a bad fit, which was new for me. Ordinarily I just make myself be nice and wait for them to get bored, but I took the initiative, that was huge! I liked that. Definitely going to keep that going. I discovered my own prejudice on age being questioned, and in all fairness, appropriately so. But most importantly of all, I began to realize, that I may be the type of woman who's simply better, stronger, when partnered up then when left alone to drift the insanity of the dating world and navigate men.

That's not a conclusive theory yet, it may just be that i need to make myself stronger in being a single woman and I'm stronger being partnered up because I've got so much more experience with it. Either way, none of that changes the reality of my life, I'm still going to Florida and still not ready to jump into any kind of a relationship in the foreseeable future, however, I am in negotiations with my inner romantic to allow her some of her freedoms back on the promise she be extraordinarily careful and not get us into too much trouble!

I think its good to be self aware, to know your good and your crazy, even to make peace with them both because none of us are perfect and we all have our own varying degree of weaknesses, or crazy to deal with. I think the trick is learning who's a safe place to fall in your life and when to suck it up and push through. Navigation control is a tricky thing for me when I'm single, but something I intend to master before I give it up, but I'm willing to admit that some day, I may again want to give singlehood up... we'll see. In the mean time, what about you? When was the last time that you took an honest look inside the fascinating workings of your mind?

No one should do it as much as I do, lol, but it is an important tool we have to keep our lives running on course and I think should be learned and used. Don't be afraid to admit your real motives to yourself. You don't have to take your crazy public as I do, but you should at least make some level of peace with it because it is going to make an impact on your life whether you recognize it or not. Being aware of it, helps keep it from becoming so out of proportion to the rest of your life that your boat sinks altogether. Just the two cents worth of one crazy blonde woman, take it for what it's worth. ;-) Have a great Monday everyone.

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