Last week on Glee, Emma Pillsbury said about Will Schuester that he had gone from being a man of words, to being a man of action. I had one of those moments where those words resonated with me and I started to see something in my own life very differently.
I make far too many excuses that enable me to not live the life of my dreams and then I stopped.
Something shifted when I heard her say that, I'm always thinking, always pondering, always learning, reading, talking to other people, listening to their experiences... but I'm not doing anything. That's what I've decided this new year is all about for me. The last year was the year of living intentionally, this is the year of simply living. I'm not planning any more. I'm not plotting. I'm not thinking. I know what I want, its the same things I've wanted since I was fifteen years old and its about time to go after it, so no more excuses, even though they are perfectly credible reasons to not do (insert whatever here) I'm just not going to accept them for myself anymore.
Life is in the small choices we make every day and I personally have a hard time remembering that, but I started on Saturday simply doing the best I can to move forward to my goals no matter what my circumstances of the moment may be. My life is full of road blocks and obstacles, always has been, I need to accept the fact that may always be the case and do I want to look back at my life and only see all the times I let stupid things derail me, or all the times I prevailed?
I'm not afraid of hard work and sacrifice, the only thing keeping me from everything I want so desperately is me and all the aged old messages in my head that tell me I can't, but I accomplished something today. It wasn't perfect. It wasn't record breaking. It wasn't much of anything really, but I believe that every time you make the choice to overcome your circumstances, even in small ways, you grow stronger, you learn, you make it easier to make the good choice the next time and eventually that choice is permanent and your life is changed and you have found the place you were meant to be all along. :) I made that choice today, I've been making that choice every day since my birthday.
What I need to do next is forgive myself for all the time I wasted this year. All the times I let those excuses stop me. I've had a rough ride, but no more excuses. I do all I can the best I can each day. Big or small, every step will be a step towards where I want to end up and I will deal with myself with grace and understanding when I don't do all I wanted, and I will recognize the work I do accomplish... this is going to be extremely difficult for me, but it feels like the exact trail I need to travel and the right choice for me to make. So here I come life... no more excuses!